It doesn't have to end like this
by BiancaFef
Summary: LxLight. "It doesen't have to end like this. It shouldn't end like this. With one of us dying, I mean" ... Exactly! It doesen't have to end like this... and it won't!
1. Chapter 1

_Hi everyone! Well, yesterday night I read a very nice but sad story, and I was really in a bad mood..._

_I was thinking, "Why the hell this two guys can't just be togheter in the end?" I mean, they're such a perfect couple! :3 _

_And so I wrote my alternate ending for this fic... i needed to write this, just to cheer me up! _

_ANyway, I suggest you to read the original fic before, it's quite short and very well written so you're not going to waste your time!_

_( -_- I can't save the link, anyway... it's "Are you, or have you ever been?" by RobinRocks) _

_ /s/4040452/1/Are_You_Or_Have_You_Ever_Been_

_I hope that the author won't mind if I wrote this... _

_Ah, of course, I don't own Death Note. Unfortunately._

_(Ohba and Obata clearly don't share my opinion than L and Light should spend much less time arguing and much more time screwing...)_

_Anyway... on to the story!_

_..._

**Chapter 1: Fear and pride**

He had been handcuffed and blinfolded, then walked somewhere he did not know.

He was angry, flustered, and scared. Above all, he was scared.

He was ready to die for his ideals, really, he was. But he just hoped that the day would have come soon, because he was starting to feel a terrible grip in his stomach and tears gathering at the corners of his eyes.

He was trembling, and a small part of him was crying and still hoping that someone would have come and hugged him and told him that this was just a nightmare, and everything was going to be alright.

While walking, he felt his knees failing as if they were made of butter.

He didn't want anything more than being allowed to sit down in a corner for three minutes, without anyone watching, to press his knees against his chest and hide his face from the whole Goddamned world, and let the tears fall.

But he wasn't a little boy anymore, he knew it. He wasn't going to pretend to be an innocent kid who had been overwhelmed by a power bigger than him.

He was totally aware of what he had done, and he wasn't trying to arouse pity from the jury by disowing his deeds as Kira. Never.

He didn't reget _anything_.

And he was ready to die holding his head up; they might have caught him, they could handcuff him and imprison him and even kill him, but they wouldn't ever have made him say he was sorry. _Never._

He wasn't going to humiliate himself and disown his believes in order to save his life.

He wasn't going to fucking give them this satisfaction.

They could chain his body, but they would have found out that they had no power on his mind.

In his mind, Light was free... until he didn't submit himself to them, until he didn't say what they want him to say; until he was strong and held on to his ideals... he wouldn't have given them their satisfaction.

_Until I didn't beg for my life to be saved... _he thought.

No, no way. He was going to die with dignity and let them all see, let them see how little he cared about their threats, let _him_ see...

Yes, he was going let him see, let The Bastard see that he wasn't his bitch, ready to beg for his mercy and throw himself in his arms.

And the asshole was going to suffer, to _suffer_ so much and to regret everything he had done...

He grinned at the thought of The Bastard suffering, though he had to stifle the feeling of comfort that had aroused from the thought of being in L's arms, safe... of just going home and let this all end, go home and nuzzle against L's neck as if nothing had happened...

But no, _no Light_, he told himself, _there's no comfort for you anymore in his arms, his bloody fucking arms_.

_Bloody fucking Bastard. _

The warder who was holding his hands -so thight that it hurt- suddenly stopped. Light couldn't see anything and he just stopped, knees trembling, swallowing quickly his saliva and telling himself to be strong.

The warder remove the blindfold from his eyes, and Light saw he was in a little, badly lit room with a table and a few chairs.

His captor made him a gesture to sit down.

- Wait here. Someone wants to talk to you.

He said, then left and Light heard the noise of the door being locked.

He just hoped it wasn't _him_.

He couldn't stand to see him anymore.

He waited a few minutes, restlessly playing with the chain of his cuffs. That simple gesture made hurtful memories come to his mind, and he suddenly stopped, holding back a tear.

He had to be strong now.

And then, he heard the noise of the door being unlocked. As the door handle was being pushed down, he held back his breath, silently begging any deity in which he had never believed not to being _him _the one behind the door.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: Anger and frustration **

And then, he heard the noise of the door being unlocked. As the door handle was being pushed down, he held back his breath, silently begging any deity in which he had never believed not to being _him_ the one behind the door.

The door was slowly opened while Light was staring at it, waiting to see his raven-like messy hair and deep dark eyes staring back at him.

He felt as if something inside him was breaking when he saw an unknown man walking in the room.

His heart stopped beating for a second, and he couldn't help but thinking, (hoping?) that the man was only there to tell him that L would have arrived soon.

_But no, he's not coming. He's not coming anymore. _He told himself.

- Good morning, Yagami-kun.

- Good morning.

He mumbled, without looking at the man. He might have seen him before, somewhere in the prison.

- What do you want?

He asked harshly to the man.

- As cordial as always, I see.

Light didn't condescent to look at him.

- Anyway, I came there only to convey you a message.

- W-which message?

Now Light was more interested in the man.

- You'll have to wait there for a few minutes. The person who's lon-

But he was interrupted by the noise of the door slamming open.

- Sorry if I'm late. I had an urgent call.

...

Light had to grab the edge of the table with both hands to prevent himself form fainting right there on his chair. His mind fightin hard against the foolish feeling of happiness and relief which was spreading throughout his body.

Just the sight of _him_ made Light's heart beginning to beat at a breakneck speed. He couldn't control himself so much, he couldn't hide how fucking much he was glad to see him.

Not that it changed anything, of course. _He_ was still a bastard.

But he had been also his lover, after all... His very first, and probably his last one. His _sole_ one...

Light's anger grew deeper when he thought about what he had let The Bastard do to him, what he had allowed that unworthy being to do to his body.

He was ashamed of himself.

But still... relieved to see him.

As if the most childlish part of himself was still wishing to huddle up under the sheets in their shared bed and hold _his_ hand until they'd fall asleep.

- You can go now, sergeant. Thank you.

The other man stood up and nodded, complying with L's orders.

He left the room, and no one spoke for a minute.

Light was staring at the table as if there was something extremely interesting on it.

L was staring at Light.

- If you're still here to demand that I accept to have my sentence changed and come with you to be your bitch until the rest of my life, my answer is still the same.

Light was the first to break the silence.

- That is not what I am asking for.

Light shook his head.

- It's over, Ryuzaki. OVER. Why don't you fucking understand that? You've played your cards and I've played mine, and now the game it's over... I don't want to see anymore. I don't.

- Nothing's over, Light...

Light was getting annoyed by him.

- I'm NOT letting it end like this.

Light felt his own blood seethe with anger. Felt the overpowering desire to kick that filthy hypocrite right on his face. But, as always, he managed to keep his self-control.

- You had already let it end like this, Ryuzaki. Come to terms with that. You made your choice and now don't try, don't even _try_ to pretend you're sorry,

Light was fighting to keep his self control, to hold back the tears which were prickling in the corners of his eyes.

- Don't come to me acting all friendly and affectionate, because you sent me there, _you_ did, and I DON'T WANT YOUR PITY now, got it? I don't need it.

Light had involunatarily raised the volume of his voice.

- Whether you want it or not, I've come here only to tell you that your sentence has been changed.

Light felt his heart stop beating.

Tears prickling in his eyes.

- I've already told you that I'd rather die than owe you my life. I'm... I'm not your bitch, Ryuzaki!

- That is not up to you. Things are already settled.

- You... you can't... I'm going to kill myself if you try to keep me as your pet, I'm not...

- Light, please! I'm not going to keep you as my pet or my bitch or anything! I just...

The detective took a deep breath.

- You're just so young, Light.

L took the younger boy's head between his hands, but Light leaned back as quick as if L's hands were burning fire.

- I'm aware of my deeds, don't pretend I'm just a naive child with-

- Light, you're not even twenty, y-

- I KNOW WHAT I HAVE DONE! I know it, I knew it when I was doing it and I was proud, and I AM PROUD of everything, you bastard! And I AM NOT a child, stick it into your genius mind! And if I were a child, YOU'd be a _pedophile_ then... do I have to remember you that?

Light was really losing his self control now.

- Shut up Light, for once in your life just shut the fuck up and listen!

Light was shaking and his eyes were filled with tears and anger.

- You. Are. Young. Whether you like it or not. You are. And you have... a whole life in front of you. There are so many things out there you haven't experienced yet. This is not your time Light, _not yet_... You know it.

- But I... I _want_ do die. I do.

- No, you don-

- HOW THE HELL DO YOU KNOW? How the hell do you know what I want, I'm telling you I DO want!

- Light-kun, please...

- But I am such a fucking asshole, ain't I? You _do_ think that Kira is a fucking criminal and I AM KIRA! That's not what you wanted? And now, I'm here, I'm telling you that_ I_'m Kira and now _do punish _me! Punish me like you always said you would, you coward, or now you don't want to, because you'd miss my ass too much, that's it? The only thing of me you could ever mi-

- Light, stop that, this isn't going to help you. Just think that you've been given a second chance...

- What the fuck I need second chance to if-

- Light! I... I know... I... _want_ to think that somewhere inside of you you_ really_ thought that using the Death Note was the right thing to do, that you were helping the world and... I refuse to think that you were only a bored kid with a God complex, Light, I can't think that! And... if your task was to build up a better world, Light... no, Light, listen to me! The Death Note isn't the only way of making this world a better place, there are so many others! And you'll have a whole life to figure them out, but... if you die now, what have you achieved? What image of yourself are you going to leave to the world? The one of a ruthless murderer, that is... but you're just nineteen Light-kun, and you DESERVE a second chance, to achieve want you want to achieve in your life before your time runs out...

_- Deserve_? Deserve, Ryuzaki? Are you really trying to convince me that you don't want them to execute me because you think I "_deserve_" it? No, no my panda, don't lie to me and don't lie to yourself, you don't think I _deserve_ it! If it was anyone else here but me, you would have had him executed without hesitating...

- Well, maybe... but IT'S you here, and I don't want you to...

- No... Ryuzaki, NO! Not this time! I don't care if you want me to live...

Light was just one step before the edge of a nervous breakdown. Frustration and anger were running through his veins turning his blood into pure fire.

- You... you fucking asshole! I WOULD HAVE KILLED YOU, I would, really, I would! I would... I'd have liked _so much_ to destroy your useless life, and I... would have never regret it, never!

- I know.

- And so, why the hell are you taking pity on me? WHY? I don't deserve none of your pity... And I DON'T FUCKING WANT IT! Why do you want me alive, Ryuzaki? I hate you, I _hate_ you so much! What do you want from me, uh? WHAT? Tell me what...

A traitor tear fell from Light's eye.

- If it's just my ass what you want, you know... you're rich, you slut, you're bloody rich, you could have _any_ fucking whore's ass you might want, you don't need me, you don't need me for that!

Light was crying now, and he didn't even refuse L's embrace when the older boy wrapped his arms around his shoulders and held him tight.

- Why don't you let me die and get the world rid of a dangerous criminal as I am, why don't you enjoy your victory and find someone else to fuck and let me-

-Light...

They were pressed close one against the other, both silently crying.

- Because I _love_ you, Light. I love YOU, not the world, not the justice nor my dignity or my pride or my ideals, I love _you_...


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: Love**

- Because I _love_ you, Light. I love YOU, not the world, not the justice nor my dignity or my pride or my ideals, I love _you._..

Light leaned back, breaking their embrace, a bit shocked by L's words.

- You... don't say that you love me, if you loved me you wouldn't have sent me there!

Light's voice was filled with resentment.

- And... anyway, I don't give a fuck if you love me, I don't-

- I'm not asking you to reciprocate Light.

L leaned back too, and he sat on the ground, in his usual weird position.

- I've... thought about it, Light-kun. And... I decided that I don't care of... anything...

His eyes were filled with tears now.

- I'm not going to do the right thing this time, I'm not. I'm going to do the thing that can help you because... you're the only... the only thing I...

He bit his nails restlessly, and wipe away the tears from his cheeks.

- I should have burnt the Death Note and kept everything I had discovered to myself Light, you're right... I should have done that. I've been a fool... But I'm sure you can understand that. Chasing you was... a challenge to me. And... I've been dealing with the filthiest criminals in this world since I was fifteen years old. I've seen so many murders, so many rapes, so many assaults and kidnappings... and I've maneged to go through all of them, forcing myself not to kill the culprit at the very moment I found him, telling me that the right choice was bringing him to justice... I've learned how to fight against my feelings and be raeasonable, understanding that violence is always useless, it just brings other violence. That was the ideal of justice for which I have worked all my life, ten years by now... _ten years_ Light, working hard night and day to catch the criminals and send them to a due process, because I thought, I _think_, that this is the right thing to do... And then...

He swallowed, rubbing his own thumb on his lower lip.

- Then, you arrived. You started killing criminals, sentencing to death the ones you deemed unworthy to live, as if you were a God... and you're not Light. You're not. There isn't any magic notebook nor crystal ball nor flying carpet in this world that could make you a God... and, moreover, you didn't care so much if you killed a few innocents in your try to become the God of a new world. Defying you, Light, was considered a sin worthy to sentence a person to death...

Light listened, without talking.

- In a month, you had insulted everything in which I believed and everything for which I had worked in a lifetime, Light... and I was... mad at you, for that...

- And now you caught me, Ryuzaki. You've won.

- No Light... no, I've lost. I've lost so miserably that I'm taking pity on myself, for how pathetical and weak I am.

L raised his eyes and locked his gaze with his lover's one.

- Light-kun... I'm not a good looser, but... I will say it. You won. _You_ beat me. You made me disown all my believes and my ideals...my integrity, my _dignity_. Everything I had. I'm ready to sacrifice everything, _anything for you, _but you please, please Light, _you_ take pity on me...

Light flinched.

- Please _listen to me_. Don't be proud. You're too young to die. Accept my proposal... I'm not going to make you my pet or something. You'll be... free. To live your life as you please. Take advantage of me Light, please. I'm offering you a second chance on a silver plate. I'm humiliating myself for you. If there's something, anything else you want from me, you just tell me. I would do... everything to save you, to protect you, Light...

L sighed.

- Maybe one day, when you'll be... older, you'll love someone as much as I love you now, and you'll understand what it means being ready to sacrifice everything for your love's sake. I... I will protect you Light, from any evil and suffering, no matter how much it will cost...

His eyes were filled with tears as he approached Light.

- I'm not going to watch as they execute you, my... my love. I'm not fucking letting it end like this. Never.

He took Light's hand and started kissing gently his fingertips, carefully, as if they were the most precious things on the Earth.

- You won Light, you did. I'm... I'm not going to let anyone hurt you, I'd... die, to protect you. Not once, but ten times... I would suffer any pain to save you, I would. If you want to kill me, all you have to do is ask. Ask, and you'll be satisfied.

L looked at him with a silent beg in his eyes.

Light's mind was blurred, he was trembling, not knowing what to say. He was stunned.

Understanding that there was a fight going on in Light's heart by now, between his pride and his feelings, L spoke. He needed to be sure that, at the end, Light would have accepted his proposal without trying to kill himself. He was ready to do ANYTHING necessary to assure that.

- Light... before you decide... there's something else I want to tell you.

His voice lowered as he spoke, the last words barely audibile.

- W-what?

Light whispered.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4: Decisions**

- Light... before you decide... there's something else I want to tell you.

His voice lowered as he spoke, the last words barely audibile.

- W-what?

Light whispered.

- You can... you can have the Death Note.

Light froze.

- What the hell does it mean...?

- That... you can have the Death Note. I'm keeping it now. If you accept my proposal, I'll give it back to you.

- R-ryuzaki. Don't make fu-

- I'm not kidding. I swear, Light... you can have it. I told you I was ready for anything to get you out of here. And I am.

- No. No, you must be kidding me.

- You'll found it in the bedside table's drawer. Here's the key.

And he tossed the younger boy a little golden key.

- Of course, if you will start using it freely like you did before, they'll easily catch you. But... you can give it to someone you trust, and order him, or her, to write down the names you want. And... you can write down my name before, if you want to. So you'll be sure I won't try to bother you or make you my private bitch or something, since you look so worried about that. And, besides, no one else will know that the Death Note is in your hands again.

- Stop talking nonsense, Ryuzaki.

- I'm not talking nonsense. You'll find a card in the notebook. There will be a name written on it. It's _my_ name, Light... use it as you please.

Said that, L got up and headed for the door.

- Two men are going to come pick you up in the afternoon. Don't lose your key.

- Ryuzaki, I...

- Now it's really time to say farewell, my light.

- No, wait, Ryu-

But he was already gone.

...

Two men came to pick him up in the afternoon. He was blindfolded and handcuffed again (he was starting getting used to it), and he was taken away by car.

They drove for hours and it seemed an eternity to Light.

Then, they finally reached the place they were looking for.

They took away Light's blindfold and he saw that he was in a house.

He was allowed to explore the property, and he found out that it was a sort of luxurious mansion, equipped with any comfort he could possibly need: three big televisions, a modern computer and a laptop, a swimming pool, a huge bathtub in the bathroom...

- Well, Yagami-kun. L had ordered to take you there. You're going to stay there for now. You can use everything in the house, but you're not allowed to get out. There are surveillance cameras everywhere, so don't try to run away, or you'll be taken right back to the prison. Anyway, L wanted you to know that you're not going to stay there forever, this is just a momentary accomodation.

_Well quite nice for a momentary accomodation_... he thought.

- Anyway, you'll be supplied with three meals a day. Breakfast at 8 o'clock in the morning, lunch at 12.30, dinner at 19 p.m. If you have any request, you can dial number 5 on this phone, and someone will answer you. L said also that you already have his private cell phone number if you needed him.

The man said, frowining. Clearly he didn't approve this special treatment for a mass murderer.

- So, goodbye Yagami-kun. And don't even _think _of making some trick with the cameras. Or the next time you'll see the sun will be when they'll take your dead body out of your solitary confinement cell. You understood?

He didn't answer, still exploring the house with his eyes.

- Yagami-kun?

- U-understood.

- Great. So we can leave. Enjoy the company of your thoughts, they will be your only friends.

And in a minute the men were out, leaving Light alone in his golden cage. He stood there were they had left him for a while, and then he put his hand in his right pocket.

There was a little key in there.

_No... it can't be true. Not even him could be that stupid. _He told himself.

_It's not even worth wasting time to check._

But until he tried... he would have never known... would he?

He reached the main bedroom and he saw it. A little bedside table with a drawer. He sat on the bed, thoughtful. He was damn sure that he wasn't going to find anything in that drawer. Maybe it was better not even checking, and still cherish the hope.

But no, Light was a practical man. _Of course_ there wouldn't have been any Death Note in that drawer, but the sooner he checked, the sooner he would have stopped deceiving himself.

He slowly inserted the key in the lock and turned it. He opened the drawer with anxious hands.

…

It was empty.

_Sure... what did you expect. _He told himself. He was about to fall back on the bed, when he noticed something weird. It was as if... as if the drawer had a false bottom.

He had a closer look and... _Oh my God. It really has a false bottom. _

He shifted a wooden board and...

He felt almost like when he had touched the Death Note after his months chained to L. Fueled, excited. But, deep down his heart, also scared.

He took it in his hands and rubbed his fingers on the beloved pages, his eyes almost filling with tears. _This_ was his aim, his task in this world. When he had his Death Note in his hands, he felt strong. He felt he knew who he was and what he had to do. He felt nothing else mattered.

He opened it with devotion, as if it was his Holy Bible.

And a little card slipped down from the pages.

He took it.

_No... no, it can't be true. I must be dreaming. _

But he wasn't dreaming.

He was really holding a little piece of paper with five words written on it. Two, were the two words he had craved to know for months. The other three, were the three he had dread most.

" _L Lawliet_

_I love you"_

…

His mind started working feverishly. What was he supposed to do now?

_He_... The Bastard was really convinced that he wasn't going to kill _him_, in the end? Sure he thought so, or he wouldn't have left that note...

Or maybe it was just a bluff... this wasn't his real name. But for which purpose...?

Maybe _he_ just wanted to see if Light was going to write his name down or not.

_Of course, this has to be the reason. Surely, this is not his real name. _

He thought.

But... he needed to try to know it.

Poor silly boy... was _he_ really thinkin that Light wasn't going to kill him if he had the chance to?

_He_ was much more stupid than Light had thought...

After all, all this situation was _his_ fault. If he hadn't sold Light to the police... if he had just shut the fuck up. All of this mess wouldn't have happened. Everything would have been like it was... _perfect_ like it was. They could have been _togheter..._ But no, The Bastard had to screw it all.

_He_ had never loved Light, never really cared for him.

Light was so mad at _him_ for having betrayed him. I mean, not that Light wasn't ready to kill him. He was. But...

Light felt the anger rise, thinking of it.

He had been... he had really thought about not killing the detective... if it hadn't turned out to be necessary, of course. But, if it wasn't necessary... he had really cherished the thought of not killing him. Keeping _him_ for himself...

He greeted his teeth.

_He_, Kira, had lowered himself to that level, to think that he could save L's stupid useless life, and _he_, in exchange..._ he _had sold him to the police.

Light's blood started seething with anger.

Tears were gathering in the corners of his eyes.

_Fucking heartless bastard. Now, I'll show you. I'll show how much I care for you, you useless slut._

He thought.

_I will come on your grave and laugh, laugh so hard..._

He looked for a pen.

_I'll show you who I am, Bastard. Who do you think I am? Your personal bitch? Ready to come over anytime you want..._

He was crying and swearing.

He wasn't pissed, he was furious. He hated L with all his heart and soul.

He hated him because he was Kira and _he_ was L, and they were enemies. And, above all, he hated _him_ because he...

He had to look for something to wipe away his tears. He didn't want to wet the Death Note with them.

He was just a teenager. Just a kid, and his crush, his lover, had betrayed him. _He_ had reported him to the police.

Light knew his heart was totally broken.

_He had given him his body... in a way he... he had never thought to give anyone... but he had given it to him..._

And _he_ had the courage of... reporting him...

_You... bastard... You... you had been my first and... and you has also the courage to say that I won, when I... I let you... I let you fuck me and you... you disgusting pig, you let them sentence me to death..._

He was trying to hold back the tears but this was totally useless.

He just wanted to get his revenge now, for all the sufferings that that... Bastard had caused him.

He seized the pen in his hand and opened the Death Note.

He looked at the blank page for a while, savouring the sweet taste of revenge.

Even sweeter that _his_ fucking lips.

_No... nothing's sweeter than that..._

He stiffled the thought.

His hand shaking, he pulled the pen closer to the page.

He bit his lip until it bled, while a wave of memories overwhelmed him. Whether he liked it or not, he was only nineteen.

Shit, L was right again. _He_ was always right... fucking Bastard.

_He_ was a fucking bastard, _he_ was. But _he_ was also Light's crush, his first crush... and he was only nineteen...

_I'm not a stupid kid, I can kill him if want to. I WILL kill him! _He told himself.

He wrote down the letter 'L' on the Death Note.

But his own hand refused to go further.

To many times this same hand had been entangled in _his_ dark hair, too many times it had stroked _him_ until _he_ had had his pleasure.

Light curled up on the bed, crying, swearing, cursing himself for his fucking weakness. Hugging the pillow, pretending that it was his Panda there next to him.

His sweet Panda, his love...

Light would have liked to kill himself right now. He _wanted_ to kill him, he wanted it desperately, but though, he couldn't. _Never_ ever ever he could kill his Ryuu.

He grabbed his phone, angry with himself and with the world. So ashamed of himself. He wrote a message with his hands trembling, wounding his pride so much that he could feel it bleeding.

...

L was sitting on the ground. Alone. The room was dark, because he had drown all the curtains. He had his favourite strawberry lollipop there, but he didn't feel like eating it. He was trying to focus on the taste of Light's lips.

He wanted to die with the thought of _him_ in his mind, he wanted _his_ face to be his last thought before it all ended.

He was concentrating so hard that he barely heard the ringing of his phone.

He took it, reluctantly, and shuddered when he saw that there was a message... from Light.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5: Apologies and pleasure**

He took it, reluctantly, and shuddered when he saw that there was a message... from Light.

He clicked on it.

"_Get yout fcking ass over here, right now. NOW. Im gonna kill u bitvh wit my own bare hands. Come here now, u bstard, now. Ryzaki, reelly... NOW"_

He grinned and he grabbed a pair of shoes without really wasting time to wear them. It's fine if you just carry them around, isn'it?

In a minute he had found a car and jumped in it, driving at a breakneck speed towards Light.

He couldn't even breath, not even hear anything else but the noise of his own heart beating fast.

He parked the car just outside the house and left it open with the keys in the dashboard. He didn't care of anything right now.

He reached the door and digited the code to get in.

…

Light had heard the noise of the door being slammed open. He rushed towards the entrance jumping three steps of the stairs with every step. It was a miracle that he didn't fall and rolled down until the end of the stairs.

L had just entered the house, not even raised his eyes towards the stairs yet, when he felt something heavy jumping on him; he lost his balance and fell backwards, Light falling on top of him.

L's first thought was: _he's going to kill me right now. _

And by the punch Light gave him right on his nose as soon as he managed to sat up, that wasn't probably going to be painless.

Light was straddled on him, and he was punching him again and again on his face, until his nose started bleeding.

L wasn't even trying to fight back or protect himself in any way.

Light hit him again and when the blood started to leak lavishly from his broken nose, he slapped the detective on his cheek, so hard that he left the red marks of his fingers on him.

L tried to stiffle a moan of pain, but Light heard it anyway.

L's vision was blurred and he felt the sweet taste of blood in his mouth.

And suddeny he didn't felt any more hit.

….

There was a struggle going on inside Light.

A part of him wanted to hurt L so much that he would have regret to be born.

Another part of him instead wanted to kiss him deeper than ever and fuck him right there on the floor.

He hated him as much as he loved him.

The sight of his sweet panda's face covered with blood made Light's loving part win the struggle, suddenly turning every trace of hate and anger in him into love and care.

He bent down on the detective and bit his lips until they bleed, and then licked the blood away, and after a moment he wasn't pretending to bite him anymore and they was just kissing.

Light hadn't noticed the precise moment in which their fight became a kiss, but now, they were surely _kissing_ each other.

Or rather, Light was trying to suck L's mouth and tongue so hard that it was like he was eating him, like he was eating a delicious cake after forty days of fasting.

He was greedy and hungry, and the thought that only the previous day he had feared that he wouldn't have tasted L's mouth anymore made him crazy, pushed him over the edge, while he was now relaxing himself against the older boy's body. He was lying on him with all his weight, but he knew he wasn't so heavy.

At the same time, L was wrapping his legs around Light's waist, and holding his head with his hands, pressing him closer, if possible; he already felt Light's tongue deep in his throat.

And it was so beautiful, so perfect that he was glad of everything he had done, he was ready to _everything_ but not to lose his love.

They kept kissing for a few minutes, almost choking because none of them dared to break the kiss first to pull in some air.

Light was starting to feel dizzy for the lack of oxygen when L finally pushed him away a few inches to allow both of them to take a breath.

Light, anyway, didn't like the feeling of emptiness in his mouth that had replaced the warmth of his lover's tongue, and after a few quick breaths he bent down again, sinking his tongue in L's throat.

L moaned and he felt warm tears falling from his younger lover's eyes down on his cheeks.

He was only nineteen years old, after all... virtually a kid, and he had just undergone a trial, an imprisonment, a death sentence... And he underwent everything alone, without any friendly hand to hold, without _him _by his side...

And the wrost thing was that _he_ himself, his lover, the one supposed to care for him more than anyone else, _he_ had sent him through all of this.

L felt the grip of the pain and the regret seizing his stomach, and he broke the kiss to speak to his lover, trying to hold back the tears.

- I'm sorry my love... my sweet love, I'm sorry...

He whispered, pressing Light closer to him.

- I'm sorry Light... I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm _so_ sorry, I'm sorry my love... I'm sorry...

He kept whispering through the tears, stroking Light's beautiful soft hair with his trembling hands.

- Forgive me Light please, forgive me I've been an idiot I've been so stupid but I love you, I love you so much Light I do...

He didn't even take a breath while speaking.

_Light had been the first one between them to say it. The first one to say "I love you", and then L had followed. _

- I would rather cut my own arms and legs or jump into the fire, instead of making you suffer again my love, I swear...

He was really shocked and he could barely speak, his voice flickering and his whole body shaking while he spoke.

Light cried softly on him, nuzzling against L's neck.

- I'm not going to leave you alone anymore, never, I'm going to stay right here by your side and kick anyone who tries to hurt you, I'd die for you my light...

His words made Light shudder.

- R-ryuzaki...?

- Yeah... yes?

- You... you really... I mean... is that your real name the one... the one you wrote me?

L looked shocked by the question.

- Of course... of course it is! I was just a hair's breadth away from writing it down on the Death Note by myself, but I wanted to leave you this satisfaction if you wanted to...

Light shut him up with a kiss.

They melted in the sweet feeling of their mouths pressed togheter once again for a while, Light now was trembling and holding back the tears, and pressing himself against L's body as hard as he could, because he had _craved_ this contact so much in the last few weeks, fearing that he wouldn't have had it anymore, and he had thought he would have died from the overpowering want.

L pushed him back just an inch, only to articulate a few words.

- Fuck me now Light if you want to, I'm yours... with all my body and so-

He couldn't even finish the phrase cause Light was kissing him again.

- No... no,

L froze... _why not?_

- The... the usual way is fine to me...

Light whispered, blushing and rubbing his throbbing erection on L's stomach to find relief.

L grinned and felt his heart pounding, adrenaline spreading throughout his veins.

He had been close, _so close_ to never had this anymore... how could he survived such a thing?

He pressed Light closer and he whispered to his hear:

- Do you wanna go upstairs, on the bed?

- N-no, here's fine...

- Ok...

L overturned their positions so that he was on top of Light, the younger boy's legs wrapped around his waist.

- No... no, let me be on top...

Light whispered and overturned their position again, so that he was straddled on L like before. He grabbed L's waistband and pulled the detective's jeans down. He knew that his hips were so slender that he didn't even need do undo the buttons to pull down his jeans.

L licked his lips quivering in anticipation, managing to pull his boxers down while Light was working on his own pants.

Light eventually got rid of the useless piece of clothing and tossed it aside.

Now his erection was free and rubbing against L'one.

None of them had had sex during the last weeks, but Light couldn't even jerk himself off or finger fuck himself because he had no privacy in prison, so he was really really horny by now.

His erection was swollen and throbbing and L liked it... oh fuck, he liked it _so much_...

Without a word, Light slid his fingers in his own mouth and started sucking them greedily, leaving a thick coat of saliva on them.

Then he pressed them to his own entrance and slid them inside without hesitating. He moved his hand back and forth a few times sighing when he finally felt the sensation he was longing to feel... maybe his favourite sensation above all, the one he was sorry to die just because it meant not feeling it anymore... the sensation of being _filled_ with something... because he always felt so fucking helpless and _empty_ without this...

But he wanted more than his own fingers inside him, he wanted L, _all the way_ in- only the thought was driving him crazy.

His teen age's hormones were driving him crazy with lust and desire.

He positioned himself so that the head of L's cock was pressing exactly against his entrance.

- W-wait Light... you haven't been taking it for almost a month, you'll be tight, it's going to hu- uh... ah!

Light didn't let him finish the phrase, he was already pushing himself down, so that L's dick was buried in him.

He bit his lower lip as if he was concentrating hard on his task, and sank his nails in L's shoulders and chest, holding to his lover as if he needed comfort to relieve the sudden stinging pain he felt.

L seized gently Light's wrists and then moved his hands up and down, stroking softly his young lover's forearms.

- R-relax my light, breath... take a deep breath...

Light nodded, slowly starting to feel his guts melting, and a pleasant heat spreading from his groin and lower stomach to his whole body.

- Mmh...

- L-Light... you're so... mmh... tight...

L felt Light's muscles stiffen and twitching around his cock, definitely tighter than usual.

- Y-you took it too hastily... ah... it's going to hurt...

Light was about to pass out. He had craved this so much and he had thought he was going to die without never feeling like this anymore...

- Sh-shut up Ryuu, I'm... mmh... fine... I wanted it.. too many... times...

Every word was an effort and a struggle to keep breathing.

- I can take it... I could take everything right now, trust me my panda...

He smiled and L smiled back, suddenly jerking his hips up so that he pushed his erection deeper in Light.

Light moaned with both pain and pleasure, a single tear falling from his eyes.

- I thought you could take it...

L teased him.

- Ah... I... I can...

L leaned forward and wrapped his arms around Light's shoulder.

- Let me be on top now, my love...

He whispered to Light's ear.

Light complied and let the detective turn him and press his back on the floor, and then he wrapped his legs around L's waist, sighing when L readjusted the angle of penetration so that he would have hit right on Light's prostate with the next thrust.

L remained still for a moment, supporting his weight only on his right elbow, stroking gently Light's sweaty hair with his left hand.

- Breath Light... stay still for a moment until you get used to the feeling...

Light nodded and he closed his eyes, focusing on the pleasant sensation of L's hard warm flesh finally filling him, as the pain slowly vanished.

Then L pressed his lips against Light's cheek, and the boy knew that he was about to thrust hard into him.

Just half a second passed between the chaste kiss and the thrust, but Light savoured every instanct of it, quivering with anticipation and cherishing the thought that he was going to feel L's erection pressing hard on his prostate and making him see the stars in a few seconds...

And that was _exactly_ what happened after a second, Light groaning and curling his toes, tears spilling from his eyes as the overwhelming pleasure spread throughout his body.

He felt like a spot inside him was pure fire, he felt like screaming, crying, begging L to hit there again, harder, _faster_...

L was looking delighted at Light's expressions as he hit his sweeter spot, knowing that his lover needed to feel this _so_ much.

And he would have sacrificed _everything_ to give him that feeling... he would have sacrificed all the people in the world, he didn't care if they all died in the most painful way, until his Light was screaming with pleasure underneath him... the world could just fuck off...

L thrust deeper and deeper in Light, pressing harder exactly where the boy needed pression.

Light had wrapped his arms around L's neck and was holding his lover thight.

L licked his left hand and lowered it so that he could stroke Light's erection in time with the thrusts inside him. He just wanted to offer his lover the most complete feelings, he wanted him to be overwhelmed by pleasure.

Light eyes rolled back at the feeling of L's hand on him, he kissed the detective's earlobe and he started caressing him on his back, shoulders and neck, enjoying the feeling of L's sweaty shivering skin under his palm.

- Don't stop... don't stop...

He whispered to L's ear.

- I won't stop, don't worry, not until you're totally satisfied...

Light trust him and he knew that he was going to hold back his own orgasm since Light was ready too.

After a few thrusts, the waves of pleasure were taking control over Light's body and mind, and this was exactly what he wanted.

He tried to relax himself as much as possible and focus his attention on the delightful sensations in his lower stomach, in his back and in his groin.

He wanted to reach the best orgasm in his life, he wanted it so much.

He stayed relaxed as long as he could, enjoying the pleasure growing deeper and deeper, and then he just couldn't stand it anymore, and he suddenly stiffened.

All his muscles were stiff and twitching, and it was almost frustrating, he felt he was so close to the edge but still missing it. He needed just one last HARD thrust to push him definitely over the edge...

The tension and the effort of mantaining his muscles stiffened were making him pant and struggle for breath, quivering and concentrating so hard not to relax his muscles again, not now that he needed just one more push to reach the climax and release all of this fucking tension...

And then he felt L stiffening too, he knew that he was about to cum, and he waited patiently the few instancts which separeted him form his orgasm.

And it arrived, as sudden as hard, so hard that they both knew it would have hurt a hell after- but now Light craved it, a hard thrust against his prostate togheter with a harsh squeeze on his erection, just what he needed to reach Heaven.

And he came, slowly, intensly, almost painfully, releasing all his tension and his fears in L's eager hand.

_When they had a brief, hurried encounter, a quickie while the task force was on a break, he used to cum with a single thrust, immediately spilling his seed in L's hand._

But now, this was an hard core orgasm, and he came with five, slow, intense thrusts, enjoying every single second of them, because that was better the Heaven to him...

And when the fire in his groin finally started to fade away, the deep pleasure that had shaken his whole body from fingers to toes slowly weakening, he collapsed on the ground.

He wasn't aware of anything, he didn't even know in which position he was, where L was, how he felt.

He just lay there, panting, trembling, tears filling his eyes, almost shocked by the intensity of his own orgasm.

It had been so intense that he he was shaken, even if the blissful post-orgasmic haze was now succeeding in making him finally relax.

He felt the endorphines spreading throughout his body, making every single inch of his skin feel so terribly good.

After a few seconds, he realized that L was collapsed on top of him, panting, absent-mindly stroking his arm, his nose teasing Light's left nipple.

They didn't speak nor look at each other, trying hard not to cry, because people didn't usually _cry_ after a good fuck, but this wasn't just a good fuck to them.

This meant so much more, and both psychological and physical feelings where overwhelming the two of them.

Eventually, it was L that sat up and spoke.

- Light... let's go upstairs, on the bed, ok?

- Mhm...

- There's something else I want to do with you tonight... and I want to be comfortable for that... and then I'll just want to sleep...

- Ok...

Light wasn't sure that his legs were going to support him, but he slowly managed to stand up and followed L towards the bedroom, with a stabbing pain in his ass every single step he took.


	6. Chapter 6

_Thanks for the reviews! Anyway... I can't stop writing about this two guys, so... here's another chapter! (I think that this is going to be devided in two parts)_

_..._

**Chapter 6: Perfection **

Light was lying on the bed with his stomach and chest on the mattress, holding tight on his pillow.

L was huddled next to him, kneading and stroking Light's buttocks to soothe the pain.

- Is that any better?

- Mmh. A bit.

L smiled softly and he lay closer to Light, hugging him.

- Where's the big tough man you pretended to be? The one who can take it all the way after a month, hm?

Light blushed and hid his face in the pillow.

- W-well, it isn't so easy to be on the bottom, you know?

- I know. And...

He paused.

Light raise his face from the pillow to look at him.

- and...?

- And... I...

L nuzzled against Light's neck, playing with his light brown locks with one hand.

- I want to try...

Light's heart jumped in his chest.

- I really want to try... if you want to, of course.

- I...

Light felt his mouth dry.

He sat up and took L's head on his lap.

...

- Have you ever done that... on the bottom, I mean?

- Yes... I did. But... many years ago. And... I want to try that with _you_.

Light bent down to kiss him.

- I... I love you Light, really, I do. I'm... I'm so sorry for all the sufferings and the problems you had gone through because of me. I don't care of... anything else in the world but you. I just want you to be fine... to be happy, satisfied, _safe_...

- I know my panda, I know. I know...

He caressed him while he spoke.

- So... do you really want to do it? ... now?

- Mmh... yeah. I do.

- Are you afraid?

- Nope ... I'm with you, ain't I? I thought I wasn't going to be with you anymore. And now... I'm with you, and I couldn't be afraid of anything...

Light smirked.

- Well... _we'll see_...

….

Ook, he _did _try do make L pay back for having been such a bloody cheat with him. He did, I swear.

But Light just... he couldn't really force himself to be rough with L, not now that his only wish was to hug him and kiss him and never let him go.

...

- Relax... just relax now my panda, I'll make it feel good...

Light was telling him, soothing him. L tried to put a few words togheter, but found out that this was impossible right now, so he just nodded.

He felt Light's hand slowly kneading his ass cheeks and his inner thighs, _so_ slowly, and with the other hand he was stroking the detective's neck just under the hairline, right where he knew L liked it.

He was so gentle... L asked himself if even he had been that gentle with Light their first time... and that was the boy's _very_ first time, and they certainly hadn't much of a relationship at the time. They didn't have the trust and the complicity they was sharing by then. Light must had been scared...

And even though L knew he had been gentle with Light-of course he had- he doubted he had been _so_ gentle, as Light was being now with him.

Once again, he felt a terrible grip in his stomach.

_Bloody hell, yes, he is Kira, but he's... he's Light, my sweet light, the one I held in my arms and watched sleeping for so many nights... the one who gave me his virginity... the only one I love on this Earth, and I know, I know he loves me back... why did I let him be imprisoned and left alone in a cell? Why the hell did I let him be sentenced to death? How...how could I let this happen?_

L stiffled his regret and his guilt, nuzzling against Light's neck.

...

- Ryuu?

- Mhm?

- You seem... detached.

- I'm sorry. I was just,... thinking.

- 'bout what?

- About... how sorry I am... for... you know, Light... you're... _my _light, and I... I didn't mean to...

- Shh... Ryuzaki, just drop that already... stop saying you're sorry. Just close your eyes and think about me touching you, ok?

- Yes... yes, ok.

But Light knew that his lover wasn't convinced yet.

- Ryuu... hey...

- What?

- It's alright with me, really. This... this is important to me, what... what we're doing right now. What you're giving me. I craved it, so many times... And I want you to be right _here_ with your mind. Not on the clouds... Please.

- Yes... sorry, Li-

- Don't say the word "sorry" again, ok? Promise that.

- Ok... I promise.

- Now, I want your thoughts on me, and on me only... on what we are doing, right now...

He whispered softly, teasing L's entrace with his fingers.

- O-ok...

- I want to fuck your body _and_ your soul, you understand that? I want you to be right here with you mind, and aware of what is happening...

_This was exactly what L was offering him. His body and his soul..._

...

L leaned forward to kiss Light's neck, but he stopped himself.

- Light...?

- Mhm?

- This... this mark...

He was pointing at a little red mark on Light's skin.

- Mhm... you should know it. You made it.

- Yes, but it was... at least a month ago.

- Mhm, more or less.

- And it is still so red? I... didn't think I had hurt you so badly...

- Well, maybe, I... I _teased_ it a bit...

- Teased?

- Mhm... yeah. With my hands... with my nails.

- but... why?

- Mmh... dunno.

L took Light's chin in his hands, forcing the boy to look up at him.

- Light... why?

- Well, b-because. Uhm...

- Uhm...?

- I-I wanted to suffer. Physical pain, I mean. Just to forget... other kinds of pain. And, besides... I...

He lowered his voice until it was just a whisper.

- I wanted something that reminds me of you...

L hugged the boy and pressed him hard against his own body.

- W-when I... when I left you that mark...

Light felt L's warm tears wetting his neck.

- I was... I was thinking that you was going to kill me... very soon. And I... I just wanted to leave you something of my own... something to remind you of me. I just thought that... maybe, if you had killed me... then you'd have slept alone at night and... felt the stinging from the hickey, and... thought about me... and _missed_ me...

Light shut him up with a kiss.

- I did, I thought about you. And missed you.

He stroked L's dark locks. Now everything was alright, they were toghether again. He lost himself in his thoughts for a second, and then came back to reality.

He started kissing L's jaw, and then his neck, chest, adbomen, lower and lower, until the detective held his breath, shuddering with anticipation.

_L had always fucked him while Light was very aroused. It was easier for the uke to relax himself that way, and it was much more pleasant if you relaxed yourself. _

So, he wanted to take L just one step before the climax before hurting him, so that he wouldn't have focused his attention on the pain, but rather on the pleasure.

He wanted that to be amazing, to be _perfect_.

His first time with L had been just perfect. And he wanted his panda to feel that way, too.

...

Light was even more nervous now than then, because he thought he had the responsibility of L's well-being now, he thought L had given him his trust and this meant much to Light...

_Ok, maybe the bastard betrayed my trust a little when he reported me to the police. Just a little. _Light thought. _Maybe he deserves a payback for that._

But... you know, L had always been gentle with him during sex- unless Light himself asked him to be a little more rough.

And... now he had even told Light his real name... so he was really ready to _die_ for Light...

And moreover he was, oh, you know, he was so... _cute_...

And Light just... just didn't really feel like hurting him now- even if the bastard would have deserved that.

...

He gave an experimental lick on the base of L's member.

It was hard and swollen, and so _big_... Light felt proud that he had been capable of taking it all the way in, even after a month without sex.

Anyway, he focused his attention on his lover's erection. He teased it with his tongue, leaving wet traces on it, so that when he breathed on L's skin, the detective felt a sensation of coolness.

L was shaking and staring at him with his deep dark eyes.

Then Light took his balls in his mouth, eliciting a groan from his lover.

He teased with his fingers the sensitive skin between the the anus and the scrotum.

L bit his lower lip so hard that it bled.

Then Light stroked L's member with his hand, L instinctively pushing up his hips, silently begging for more contact.

But Light had't finished his teasing yet. He licked L's cock from the base to the head on the lower side, feeling L's blood pulsing in his veins under his own tongue.

This feeling turned him on like rarely before.

Then he finally took the head of the cock in his mouth, sucking it eagerly and brushing his tongue on the most sensitive areas.

He tried to push L's cock in his mouth as deep as he can, until he gagged. Then he started bobbing his head up and down, slightly uncomfortable because he felt almost choking.

But he forced himsel to let the cock slid deeper in his throat, even though this was really uncomfortable for him, because he knew that this felt soo good for the receiving one.

And L always did that for Light.

...

While he was still sucking his cock, Light pressed two fingers at L's entrance, until they slid inside.

Now L was so excited and focused on what was going on with his cock that he barely felt the intrusion.

That was Light's aim, make L's body get used to the feeling of having something up the ass, make his muscles relax, while he wasn't really concentrating on it, so that, later on, he would have experienced only the most pleasant part of the anal penetration.

Light knew that this could be amazing but also bloody painful, and it was absolutely intentioned to make it amazing for L.

When he felt that L was stretched enough, he pulled himself up, looking at L's eyes dimmed with pleasure.

- Are sure you wanna do that?

- I've never been so sure about anything in my life...

Light smirked and licked his own fingers, then rubbed them against his cock, to lubricate it with his saliva.

They hadn't any lube within reach, and surely he wasn't going to stop and go buy one.

Besides, L had always said that he liked friction, hadn't he?

_Well, now he's definitely going to get the friction._

Light wasn't too concerned about it, anyway. Yes, he didn't want to hurt L. He would have tried his best not to. But he had prepared him well and streched him enough while he was giving him the blow job, and he didn't think that L had suffered too much then.

Now, two of Light's fingers were still inside L, and the detective didn't looked suffering. He wasn't really pushing himself towards the fingers, like Light would have probably done in that situation- but Light was accustomed to the sensation of being filled, L wasn't... yet.

Anyway, even L could live with a little pain.

Or better still, Light thought that maybe he _wanted_ it to hurt a little.

And Light was definitely intentioned to satisfy him... right?

...

He slowly pulled his fingers out of the detective, he could feel L's look on him.

Light leaned forward to kiss him.

They kept kissing for a minute and then Light pulled himself back a bit.

He opened his mouth as to speak, but L pressed his finger on Light's lips.

- Shh... don't say anything. There's no need to speak...

He whispered while his hand was rubbing absent-mindly Light's arm.

- I'm not a little kid, and I'm not afraid...

Yes, probably Light _was_ actually the most afraid between the two of them.

_Why do I always end up being the one who's scared and awkward like a child?_

Light was mad with himself, because he was so nervous, because he was so worried for L- even more than L himself- because he always planned to act in a certain way and then he ended up doing just the opposite...

- Light? Are you listening to me?

- Uh? Oh, sorry... no, I wasn't...

- I was saying... hey, look at me... I was saying, I'm doing this for you, for _you, _Light... ok? Just take it... as it please _you_... don't worry for me, I'll be fine... Light, really. Don't hold yourself back. I know you want it. So take it, _take me_, really. Now...

Light's turn to press his fingers on L's lips.

Without a single word, the boy leaned back a few inches and positioned himself with his erection pressing against L'entrance, without breaking the eye-contact with L.

_Oh God, it's so weird being on top... _

He clutched L's hip with his left hand, in order to keep him still, and he pinned L's wrist on the mattress with the right hand.

It wasn't an aggressive gesture, not pretending that L couldn't easily move his hand if he wanted to. Light was kind of _stroking_ L's wrist, softly, just because he'd have wanted to hold L's hand, but this would have been too... fluffy, and sweet, and Light didn't want that.

So he held L's wrist instead... because in his twisted mind this was a kind of less loving gesture.

He pushed forward only a little bit, suddenly feeling that L was _very_ thight.

_Just stop thinking, Light._ He told himself.

This is what he had been craving for months. Since he had regained his memory.

He had craved to be the one to fuck L, his enemy, even just for once.

But that wouldn't have been anything special, after all... if L hadn't know that he was Kira.

_But now... now he knows..._

Light pushed himself in L only a few inches. Enough to make him feel uncomfortable and make him quiver with anticipation, but not enough to make him feel real pleasure (nor real pain).

...

- How does it feel?

Light asked after a few moments.

L breathed heavily.

- I'm almost... _almost_ scared by now, if this was your plan...

- Nope... why scared?

-It's... uh...

L involuntarily twitched his muscles, Light feeling the static because of the sudden pressure and friction right on the head of his cock.

- It's... it's bigger than I expected...

- How... how can it... b-be...

Flashes of pleasure were spreading throughout Light's body from his groin, and he could barely speak.

- How can it be "bigger than you expected", it's... you've seen it, you knew how big it was, y... uh...

- I mean... I didn't expect it to _feel_ so big... you know... it's... almost like... it couldn't... go any further...

L whispered.

Light smiled, and he left L's wrist to held his hand instead, _who fucking care if it's a loving gesture, I love him, don't I?_

He wasn't really in the mood for teasing, but he was very skilled in restraining his cuddly nature and just tease his lover a bit when he wanted to.

- And... my sweet panda...

He said, pushing a bit deeper in L's tight, hot cavern. Not much deeper, just to make it a bit painful, and a bit frustrating, because- Light knew it well- even if it makes you feel uncomfortable, you can't help but wanting it deeper, when you have it half the way in.

- Doesn't it bother you that... that I'm _Kira_...

L shuddered when he heard the word 'Kira', and his muscles thightened a bit, pressing delightfully on Light's sensitive flesh.

- Doesn't it... ah... bother you that I'm a filthy criminal, and your wrost enemy... and I'm...

Well, Light had fucking waited _too much time _to say that, he couldn't drop it now. He HAD to point it out.

- Doesn't it bother you that I'm Kira and I'm... fucking you right now... _L_?

He whispered mischievously to his lover's ear.

…

_To be continued..._ ^-^


	7. Chapter 7

_(There will be a link to a song at some point, I'm not sure if it really suit the story but... I was listening to it while writing and you know, if you want to, you can listen to it too...)_

_(Oh my, it's impossible to save a link... it doesn't save the "www. you tube" part... anyway, the song is "how to save a life" by the Fray...)_

**Chapter 6... second part...**

- Doesn't it... ah... bother you that I'm a filthy criminal and your wrost enemy... and I'm... fucking you... _L_?

He whispered to his lover's ear.

L grinned, pushing his hips forward so that he had Light buried deeper in him. That was painful, but he wasn't doing it only for physical pleasure.

- And... it doesn't bother you... Light... that...

He could feel Light's erection throbbing in pleasure inside him, the boy shaken by the unknown sensation of being squeezed inside a tight, warm, wet hole.

- It doesn't bother you Light that... that I'm _L_... your wrost enemy... the one who swore to capture you and bring you to justice, and I... I caught you, I beat you, and... I watched while you were sentenced to death, and... and still you have let me fuck you, not once, but about _a hundred times_... doesn't this bother you... _Kira_?

L smirked, waiting for the boy's reaction.

Light froze for a moment, his desire to kill L RIGHT NOW flashed trhougout his body at a breakneck speed.

He dug his nails in the detective's hip, trying to hold back his anger, at least for another few minutes.

But he didn't actually see a real need for that,_ what's wrong with necrophilia, after all? I could just strangle the bastard right now and fuck his dead body to... well, they use to say "to death", but... he would be dead already..._

While he was considering whether kill L now or in a few minutes, he heard the sound of the bastard _chuckling_...

The was the last straw. He had... he had even the courage to CHUCKLE...

_Oh no, I'll kill him. I WILL KILL HIM. Now. I'll strangle him and then I'll cut his useless body into pieces and give it to stray dogs so that they'll eat it._

While planning the goriest way to get rid of his lover's corpse, Light thrust in L hard, _so hard_ that he definitely hurt himself too- but he didn't care...

He thrust once more, hearing the whine of his lover, wincing in pain.

Fueled, he thrust again, trying in any subtle way to hurt L as much as possible, changing a bit the angle of penetration so that it hurt more than how it pleased.

_I'll show him... I'll show the bastard what he'll get if he'll try to tease me again... _

Light just hoped that he wasn't going to make him bleed. If he had done that, the blood would have act as a lube, and the last thing Light wanted now was to reduce L's pain in any way.

- I swear you bastard, you're not going to sit on a chair for a month without crying...

He hissed.

He thrust harder than he can, feeling his own body shaking for the intense pleasure.

…

L greeted his teeth.

_Ok, that was bloody painful, but I've asked for it, haven't I?_

Not that L wanted to tease Light, or hurt his feelings in any way.

He just... had to say that, because... because Light wasn't going to get a move soon otherwise... was he?

He had just stayed still, half buried in L, for three minutes... _talking_!

I mean, that was not... _normal_, was it?

He was holding himself back TOO MUCH, he was too damned afraid of hurting L.

But L was doing this for _him..._ he didn't care if it would have hurt a little.

He wanted Light to experience also this kind of physical pleasure.

He wanted Light to give vent to the anger and resentment L knew a part of him was still feeling.

He wanted him to relax and really think of himself during sex, for once, but...

… but it was useless. Light was barely moving himself!

Well... the boy just needed a little push, and L had given him right that.

And now, he _was_ moving, indeed...

… _at last!_ L thought. _At last, he- ohfuckholyshit that hurt! _

….

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After a minute, Light froze for a moment, and stopped thrusting mercilessy into L's soring body.

- You... you said it _on purpose_, you bitch...

He said.

L hid his smile nuzzling against Light's neck.

- I know you did...

L didn't really expect the boy to understand that. But maybe, Light knew him better than how L thought.

Light stood still for a while, wiping some drops of blood leaking out of L's ass.

- You always manipulate me into doing what you want me to do. You mind-fuck me every time you speak...

Light said.

- Sometimes I think you're really so smarter than me...

Light added, there was a bitterness in his tone.

L, trying to focus on something, _anything_ else but the stabbing pain in his ass, wrapped an arm around his lover's shoulders.

- Well.. L-light, I ain't that smart if I mind fuck you into splitting my ass in two until I bleed... am I?

Light smiled slightly.

L was a fucking bastard _and_ a mind fucker _and_ a genius, but maybe that was why Light liked him so much.

Light smiled again, trying to readjust the angle of penetration so that he could hit L's prostate with his thrust.

There was no way now to relieve the pain his detective was feeling, but he could at least try to distract him with a little pleasure...

Light noticed that there were two tears running down L's cheeks.

- Hey... Ryuu... I'm...

- Don't say it. Don't say your'r sorry Light, I deserved it.

Light abandoned his head on L's shoulder.

- … Ryuzaki?

- Yeah?

- Uhm... promise me something.

- Anything you want...

- Don't...

Light stopped himself, without looking L in his eyes.

It was so pathetic and childlish... he couldn't believe what he had become. What L had made him...

- D-don't... you know. Uhm... lea...

The rest of the sentence was nothing more than a whisper, impossible to hear, even if Light's mouth was not even an inch far from L's ear.

- Light...?

- I mean, don't... - He gulped – Don't leave me...

He blushed.

_It's a bit pathetic as a request, ok, it is, but... it's... it's ok if you... if you really mean it, isn'it? I mean, if you don't say it lightly, if you... if you really need to ask it...you can, right?_

L understood that Light must have really suffered, and have been really scared and lonely, like never before in his life.

He must have been really scared if he demeaned himself to beg L never to leave him.

It was so... out of character for Light.

Or maybe, he had just had a little time on his own to think and to reflect on his life... and he had reassessed his priorities. He had finally understood what was really important to him...

You know, people are not characters from book, they're not stereotypes.

People grow up. People change.

- I won't... never... ok?

L underlined his promise tightening a bit his muscles so that Light moaned in pleasure, panting and starting feeling the familiar sensation of his whole body melting into L's arms.

- I won't, but _you..._ promise me something too...

L asked, his voice wavering ever so slightly.

He was not the kind of guy to ask for such a thing too, but... you know, in certain moments you are a bit overwhelmed by the physical sensations and your brain doesn't really work properly, and you just say things you don't really mean...

Everybody knows that what you say during sex has no meaning, right?

- You... you promise me that... you won't...

Light was caressing his cheek as to say 'go on, tell me'.

_Oh my Godness, how can he be so fucking sweet anytime you just lie him down on a bed?_

- Promise me that you won't... _kill _me... ok?

Light's heart leapt in his chest, the awareness striking him all at once.

He pressed his head in the hollow of L's neck, his brain working feverishly and his whole body tense and crying out for he to cut the whole thinking out.

- Ryuzaki...

He whispered, wincing as if telling that was causing him physical pain.

- I... I won't... I wouldn't_... __ever_... ever kill you...

He couldn't hold back the tears and he sank his nails in L's soft skin.

- I like you, you stupid, stupid sugar-addicted raccoon, I... ah...

L was pressing Light's ass cheeks, inviting him to thrust deeper in the older boy's body, Light's mind was getting a bit dizzy and his vision blurred.

- I... ahhhee... I like you too... ah... oh shit, I DO like you too...

He had just the time to cry, before his whole body stiffened for the second time that evening, tears spilling from his eyes... he couldn't really see the stars because they were in a room, thare was the ceiling over them, not the sky. But Light felt like he could see the stars lying upon them, while he realeased himself into L's body, exhaling a long breath and wincing because his feelings were so intense that they hurt, his heart almost aching and he felt just so... _complete_...

... THE END ...

...

_Hehe, dear Ohba... I love you for creating Death Note but, you know... even the walls noticed that there was something between L and Light... you can't just let them die... without have never even kissed each other... you just...holy shit YOU CAN'T!_


End file.
